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[May. 29th, 2007|11:20 am] |
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I hate being so angry at someone and not being able to express it directly to them without clamming up. This has never happened to me before and I am so incredibly frustrated over it. Instead of just explaining how I've been feeling I act all sullen and quiet with random interjections of normal conversation. And the worst part is that I feel as if I've dug myself into a huge hole by not talking about it earlier, so now I'm stuck in this ridiculously huge metaphorical hole. Oh, and this is going to get so much worse in a few weeks, I can already tell. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 21st, 2006|06:26 am] |
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My grandfather died on thursday. I wish i could verbalize how i feel in some sort of long drawn out entry but I can't. I'm just sort of numb and depressed. The funeral was hard to comprehend, the idea of him being in this wooden box in the middle of a room that everyone was staring at was just surreal. The idea of him not being at thanksgiving is heartbreaking, he's never not been there. I'm not generally a sad person, so i'm not really handling this well at all. I am usually the person that cheers other people up with humor or sarcasm and this is so not the time for that or what any of my family wants to hear. |
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| shock me shock me shock me |
[Oct. 16th, 2006|08:18 pm] |
After this quarter I will only need 19 more credit hours to graduate, meaning that I could potentially graduate in March as opposed to doing it in June with everyone else. This idea definitely has a large amount of pros and cons behind it. None of which I want to analyze right now considering I just received this news about 20 minutes ago. I'm not even going to have to write a final thesis or paper or anything of the sort, I would just finish and go.
The rabbinical school application arrived about a month ago, so that will take up the majority of my time until January 1st. I have to write 4 essays, undergo a psychological evaluation, get 6 recommendations, as well as sign an official contract stating that i will never marry or seriously date someone who isn't jewish. I honestly do not believe I'll get in, but there is still that tiny sliver of hope that I will, so I'm putting everything into it.
Personal life is great, dealing with long distance sucks but it's definitely been worth it so far. To steal rachel's thought: if I wasn't thinking about him at all would probably be an issue, so it's a good thing that I miss him a lot. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 3rd, 2006|01:03 am] |
So my great-aunt and uncle recently had their 50th wedding anniversary and my mom sent me a copy of my great uncle's toast and it was incredible so I am posting it here for everyone else to read and enjoy:
50-years. 50 years!!!!
How many people stay married that long? How many couples stay together for even 5 -years? Or 2-years? How about 1-year? And here we are, this great woman and I, about to celebrate our 50th anniversary.
50 + years ago I played racquetball every Sunday at the YMHA (gone now) in Jersey City, NJ with Archie Lewiskin, a big, burly, monster of a gentle, pussy cat guy. I had recently returned from active duty in Korea, and, starting at the bottom of the ladder at a CPA firm, was just commencing what I then perceived was going to be a rewarding career in Public Accounting.
Drafted right out of college, and never having practiced, I feared that much of what I had learned in school I had forgotten. But needing a job and having been trained and educated to do the Accounting thing, I chose to give it a try. While I would learn in a few years that that honorable profession was not what I thought, and that I was not of a suitable temperament for its demands and dedication (and, for me, drudgery), at that time I thought I really was on my way. Also, dating heavily, I commenced to make up for lost time, and was really enjoying my new life.
Now it seemed that whenever we finished our games, and were in the steam room or in the resting lounge, Archie would interrogate me about my social life i.e. whom was I dating, was I happy with whomever I was seeing, etc. Invariably the topic would evolve to a lovely, bright girl who was the sister-law of his wife’s brother. Now, I liked and trusted Archie, and would normally have responded with interest, but when he advised me that the young lady lived in Brooklyn, my interest ceased. Nothing to do with the then borough of dem Bums, but I felt that Brooklyn was just too long a distance to travel for a date; especially a “blind” date, and especially since I was doing so “well” on the dating scene at that time.
Archie, who would have made a great salesman, did not relent, however, and week after week after week persisted in pressing me to meet this bright beauty from Brooklyn. Then, finally, maybe a couple of months after starting his “campaign”, I said to hell with it, and asked for her phone number.
I called, we seemed to hit it off sufficiently well, and agreed to meet at her apartment on 86th Street in Brooklyn. Now, this was early 1954, like I said I was just starting a new career, and at $50/week I did not own a car (nor did most of my friends then). I had to
borrow my father’s car, and with the directions given me, commenced on this journey to unknown territory. Now, you may find that a little dramatic, but when you consider that I have what may be the world’s worse sense of direction (a Lou Silverman legacy), and that I had only recently gotten my license to drive, this was a serious challenge. When I remember that guys in my platoon often depended on me to get back to base on night patrols, I both laugh and shudder.
Somehow, I made it through the Holland Tunnel, crossed Lower Manhattan, found the Brooklyn Battery Tunnel, the Shore Parkway, the correct exit, 86th Street, and miraculously arrived on time. Taking the elevator to the 4th floor, I found the apartment, and knocked on the door.
A beautifully coiffured, stylishly dressed woman with a stunning face and complexion greeted me. Studying me intensely with a piercing gaze, she invited me into her bright, cheerfully decorated apartment. Archie is my man forever I thought as this beauty offered me a chair. After a few moments of polite conversation, however, I was advised that she was not my date. I had knocked on the wrong door. This lady was Ruth, my date’s sister. My date lived with her folks next door. Having explained this, she excused herself, and left the apartment.
Somewhat disappointed, my thought was that Archie was not yet off the hook. I was filled with the worse kind of blind date fears. What if….? No, Archie would not do that to me. Or would he? The door opened, and my life changed forever. Archie was indeed vindicated. I was thrilled. The lady I was meeting for the first time was beyond any expectations I might have had then, and, I must add, continues to be so even now.
I cannot seem to contemplate
These years that we’ve been paired.
Lovers, parents, partners, mates
A fulfilling life we’ve shared.
A burst of brightness in my life
‘Twas me you took a risk in.
You’ve been the best of any wife.
Here’s thanks to Archie Lewiskin |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 22nd, 2006|11:42 pm] |
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Lately I've been feeling so reclusive, the mere presence of other people is just making my skin crawl. I'm like the epitome of a crazy person, I just listen to depressing music on my ipod, eateateateat, and lay in bed. Maybe it's just February. March is looking more optimistic. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 25th, 2006|12:59 am] |
I haven't been able to sleep in two weeks. The only time I slept was when I went to Georgia this weekend. Now I'm back at OSU and I'm awake all the time. Dark circles under my eyes won't go away, I look like a heroin addict. I just lay in bed and I can't stop thinking. My head is just overflowing with stupid anxieties and worries that won't dissipate. Here they are, divided into categories:
CAMP
For the past ten years camp has always been my constant. Winter, school, grades, teachers....these were all just minor obstacles that I had to endure until I could once again have my summer. MY summer. And now this perfect series of summers is drastically changing. I refuse to be jaded. I refuse to get burned out. When everyone else had their breakdowns about how camp screwed them over or how they weren't getting what they deserved, I purposefully distanced myself from them. The mere fact that I was there was enough for me. All I needed was a semi clean t-shirt and some grilled cheese and I was good to go. But now half the people that I have grown up with will not be there, and by half the people I mean Kelly. This past weekend was probably the last time I'm going to see her for a few years and I don't know how to handle it. We are the same page with everything and now (to sound soooooooooo emo) that page is being torn in half. Plus, Jay called me and said that Bobbie wants her to be drama dept head, even though she wants to be a unit leader again and Mackie said I should have the position. So now I have to hurry up and call before a final decision is made and I end up being the copier lady.
RANDOM
I know it's trivial, but I really want my 21st to be amazing and memorable and not just sit and legally drink til I throw up brightly colored cocktails.
SCHOOL
I need to graduate in 4 years. I want to be a rabbi but I don't think it's gong to happen. The idea of attending another five years of school is overwhelming, even though I'll be studying subjects that I love. I don't want to be an RA even though I need to financially. I got invited to live in a perfect apartment but I had to decline so I could try to get this position. My shoulder randomly pops out at any given time and I'm on medicine that is equivalent to 16 motrin.
This is dumb and everything here really only matters to me and its superficial and people are dying in the world and I'm sitting here complaining about saving money. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 11th, 2005|04:57 pm] |
I finally have a good story to tell on this thing:
After falling asleep at 3am in my bed the night before I flew home from school, I woke up in a daze on my floor with a throbbing pain in my head. Yes, I fell out of my lofted bed, for no particular reason, and managed to hit my head on the way down, causing me to get a CONCUSSION. I now have a bruise on my head and every joint in my upper body hurts for some strange reason. I mean, I fell on a pile of clothes that i was too lazy to put away, so I should be ok, but I'm going to a real doctor this week to figure out why I'm such a klutz even when I'm sleeping.
Well, I'm home now and bored because no one's home from school yet, but for those who go to UMD or are in the area and planning on seeing Dane Cook, does anyone want to go with me on Tuesday? |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 3rd, 2005|04:02 am] |
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Not only did I actually crave taco bell tonight, but I wanted it so badly that i was willing to sit with three other people in the back of a random person's pickup truck so we could go through the drive-thru because the actual "restaurant" part was closed. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 28th, 2005|12:44 am] |
So yeah, I'm the most horrible person in the entire world. Here's why:
I BROKE A BLIND MAN'S CANE
Yah, you hate me now, don't you.
Here's how this happened: As I'm walking to my next class I see a blind man walking towards me so I move to the far left of him to prevent any collisions. For some reason his cane was a lot longer than I thought and it got caught between my lower legs and I somehow managed to snap it in two pieces. And to make matters worse, I didn't realize it was broken and just kept walking, and then I turned around and saw that he was still standing in the same spot trying to fix his cane. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Why didn't I go back to help him fix it? Why am I such an asshole? What if he got hit by a car because he was not able to use his retractable cane?
Well, there's nothing I can do about it now other than feel horrifically guilty, so that's what I'm doing. |
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| Insomnia Hell = Chuck Norris Movie on AMC |
[Oct. 11th, 2005|01:49 pm] |
News of me:
*I'm seeing Dave Chappelle on the 23rd and Kanye on the 24th
*My job is great except I miss my old kids
*None of my clothes fit
*my debit card expired and bank one has yet to send me a new one, so I have no money
*my friend/next door neighbor from last year, Danielle, was on the cover of Star magazine last week because she hooked up with nick lachey
*Ashley Jaffee is the only one who was as excited as me about the above story, so she is my favorite person right now
*I might be going to OU for Halloween weekend because it's supposed to be nuts and I have yet to experience it
CHuck Norris is a sick man, right now he's getting electrocuted from some kind of nipple clamps attached to his neck by the asian government. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 4th, 2005|01:25 pm] |
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Life post-camp has been relaxing, but incredibly boring at the same time. RIght after camp I went to the beach in Stone Harbor, NJ for a week which was great because I haven't been to the beach in forever and I bought a fleece blanket with penguins on it that is amazing. However, I did get so sunburned that I resembled a lobster for about 3 days. Then I was at home for a week where I did absolutely nothing but sit on my ass. Oh wait, I saw Blues Brothers in Bethesda with my dad and there was an interview with the director John Landis before the movie and I found out that he is trying to get the rights to make a movie of "Batboy the Musical." Hopefully he won't ruin it. I am currently in Verona, NJ at my grandparent's apartment which I will be laving in about two hours to go home. Last night I saw "The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee" and it is quite possibly the funniest show I have seen maybe ever in my life. I reallllllly need to be at school already. k, bye. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 22nd, 2005|01:57 am] |
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camp is great, but it also SUX, (WITH AN X) |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 4th, 2005|09:55 pm] |
blahhhh
alanis/mraz on the 18th, anyone want to go? |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 30th, 2005|09:59 pm] |
Because LJ's sucked hardcore lately and because I'm procrastinating:
01. Reply with your name and I will write something about you.
02. I will then tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
03. If I were to apply an o'clock to you, it would be...
04. I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
05. I'll tell you the most memorable moment I've had with you.
06. I will tell you what animal you remind me of.
07. I'll then tell you something that I've always wondered about you.
08. Put this in your journal. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 26th, 2005|01:13 am] |
Apparently I've been calling this really sweet guy Danny all year when actually his name is Andy, but he's so nice that he never bothered to correct me. And then I told him to meet us at a bar that he paid to get into and then we never showed up and I forgot about him until an hour later. I'm such an asshole sometimes, if someone did that to me I would be bitching about it for weeks. Eh, I'm sure he'll get over it. He probably ended up having a better time then we did. The playboy playmates were at our usual wednesday night bar so it was too crowded to get into and we just ended up going home.
Meanwhile, my roommate moved into her new apartment so I have the room all to myself. However, she took her tv with her so I've had to mooch off of everyone else in order to fill my season finale quota. Speaking of season finales, I really wanted Bo to win American Idol even though I wasn't that impressed by either of them, he was my preference. Carrie's hot, but she's just so blah. And I hate country music so maybe I'm just biased.
OH, I've met a girl who IS Weinerdog, if weinerdog was 9 years old and named Tippy. I will go into more details about her later because there are some STORIES that will have even the least cynical person rolling in the aisles. But for now I must sleep. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 23rd, 2005|03:49 pm] |
Because i like randomness:
1. Think of a word you would use to describe me.
2. Go to Google Image Search
and search for that word.
3. Select the picture you see as most fitting, and
post it as a reply.
4. Post this thing in your journal. |
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| WHO put this PAINT roller HERE???? |
[May. 1st, 2005|03:29 am] |
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If anyone knows an establishment that sells fly swatters, please let me know. I am in desperate need of twelve fly swatters for a project and I canno find them ANYWHERE. Oh, and I heart Cecil, he is fabulously fabulous. |
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| This was supposed to be MY weekend!!! |
[Apr. 28th, 2005|03:40 pm] |
My roommate and her boyfriend aren't going to Chicago anymore. They were going to leave tonight and be gone until Sunday. I would have had the room to myself. I would have been able to veg and spread out and sleep til 4 and not worry about other people. Now, my weekend of selfishness is ruined. And, they are still taking off work despite the fact that both of them are still here which means they will be in the room non stop for the next NINETY SIX HOURS. I just might have a nervous breakdown between now and then. I should probably be looking at the bigger picture here and thinking "hey lesley, stop being a bitch. This would have been the first time Jessica has gotten to see her mom since winter break and now she won't see her until the summer." But that doesn't matter to me right now. All I can think about is all the stuff I would have been able to do without them here. Like actually be able to talk on my phone in the room without worrying about waking them up....because THEY ARE ALWAYS ASLEEP. Honestly, I thought I slept a lot, but these people are ridiculous. I can't wait until my single next year. Then I'll actually enjoy being with Jessica because I won't be around Kyle all the time. I have been so incredibly cranky ever since I came back. It seems like every miniscule irritation that wouldn't normally bother me has become magnified 10x over.
Constantine getting voted off last night pissed me off to no end, even though I expected it because his performance the night before was definitely not up to his usual standards.
Today in my writing class I was the only one who got the Catcher in the Rye reference in the movie '25th Hour.' The part where he tries to erase the 'fuck you' on the mirror and is unsuccessful. I had never seen the movie or read the book in a while so I was extremely proud of myself. Today we were discussing eastern european stereotypes and so I said 'Boris and Natasha' and no one else in my group knew what I was talking about. Bullwinkle much? I was completely floored that they didn't know who they were. And that I actually spent a good two minutes describing the cartoon.
Summer is so far away. |
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| too unleavened |
[Apr. 25th, 2005|09:53 pm] |
First let me say that this weekend was fantastic.
Second, since when does Adam know how to sing? Why has everyone been keeping this from me? He was absolutely incredible, as was the rest of the Seussical cast, but seriously, Adam can SING. He held the note in the general song longer than the guy on the cd! And Frank was HILARIOUS! This has to be the best wootton performance I've ever been in the audience for. Without question. All the talent was equally matched and it seemed like everyone was having a blast. I have no criticism whatsoever. And frank's lj made me extremely emotional, thanks a lot buddy, why are you so old and wise?
ANYWAY, after the show on friday Jenny, Jess, Martita and her mom, Kendal and her mom, Mariam, Mrs. Ingram, Jon Gerst and I went to Silver Diner and talked for about two hours. It was great catching up with everybody over cheese fries and milkshakes. It had been such a long time since I'd seen everyone all at the same place and time, it's really easy to take that stuff for granted. The next day Jenny, martita and I went to the mall to try and find clothes, but Jenny was the only successful one. I ended up driving to White Flint after and finding clothes at the gap that weren't in stock at the store in Montgomery mall. I also ran into the fabulous Jaffe trio and ended up walking with them and helping Cory pick out clothes. It was just so great to see everyone even if it was only for a short time period.
Saturday and Sunday were the Seders. CARAZZZY TIMES AT THE LEVIN HOUSEHOLD. And by Levin I mean my grandparents' apartment that seems to have hit a plateau in the sixties and never left. My great uncle, who, a few years ago forgot it was passover and ended up calling us from vegas, decided to bring his "floozy" girlfriend (she's 77 or older) who is deaf in one ear and somehow got seated next to Adam. Thus, my poor brother had to endure listening to this woman's voice the whole night. SHe was basically the female version of that guy who Will Ferrell used to play on SNL, the one who can't control the volume of his voice. Plus, my dad invited the Ukranian ambassador to the US and his wife, so the level of awkwardness that already existed jumped to a whole new level. ESPECIALLY when my great aunt started randomly shouting about how Bush is ruining the country and we're all going to end up in a depression in a few years. The food was less than thrilling the first night but definitely improved its score the second night. My indigestion will attest to that fact.
Sunday I went to georgetown with the family and just walked around and looked at stores and went on an unsuccessful search for nongarlic flavored tam-tam crackers. Although I did find grape juice flavored matzah (would anyone like to explain that one to me?) and BISSLI: the greatest snack on the face of the planet!!! In israel I ate them every single day. Everyone needs to go to the passover section of giant and buy the smokey flavored bissli. They're kind of like fritos, but they're ten times more orgasmically amazing. Also, they're only 50 cents, so no one has any excuses for nto eating them.
I flew back to Ohio this morning and it was slightly depressing. I honestly had no desire to talk to anybody, it was really weird. That doesn't usually happen. So instead I finished my CIT scrapbook from three years ago. Random? yes. Odd? extremely. Soothing nonetheless? indefinitely.
PS, roommate = in chicago this weekend, so if there ever was a perfect time to visit, this would be it. |
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